There is no one place that I can say I became aware that I was different , but looking back I feel I never quite fitted in ..ever !I was Me ..often lost in my thoughts and I felt ever different and often alone !
My childhood was not a particularly glamorous one and yet I have not too many recollections of my formative years .In fact so much is a blur ..so much so that I have little or no recollection of my actual father himself who in fact passed away when I was just a tender age of three and my brother a mere 18 months old.
I was not officially told what happened to my father and I just knew he died !So he was the photo on the mantelpiece and the painting on the wall in my grans house and he looked young in that painting he was 19 and he had died at 33! I did not like the painting or the pictures I saw particularly ! I believe my granny had gone into a frenzy at some point and destroyed all the other photos albums in her mourning of him supposedly !
I do also recall that I was rather afraid to ask my mom about the matter as when I did ask her about him perhaps once or twice she was tearful and I was left afraid with no concise answers and she kind of skirted the issue always or perhaps I never tried to actually ask again…
In later life when I discussed all this with her as an adult over coffee she could not believe she hadn’t said very much about it at all ! Dr Spok and his thinking ruled bringing up children in those days and that was that !
When I was 12 years old ,I was in fact went to a seance together with her spook friend She literally ( my dad ) and he supposedly came through . Later I understood she had channeled him and he spoken directly to my mom via her .Bizarrely sitting legs crossed like he had done in his wheel chair .He called my mom by her pet name and spoke directly her and gave her a message .i recall she was emotional ! I also recall being very calm and totally unafraid also being disappointed that my dad had chosen to only chat to my mom only and ignore me and I wondered why !
The memory of him not even noticing me or speaking to me at all stayed with me for a long long time and at that it was at that precise moment I decided I wanted to be just like the medium and contact him directly myself -not there and then but sometime !
I became secretly fascinated with how she the medium channeled and I would quietly listen in on their weekly seance circles after that which were mysteriously held in my mom turquoise-green dark lounge -I recall literally spying on them and seeing them in some sort of prayer circle and speaking to all the dead people as I then understood it and praying for people about to die to get well !
My moms friendship with the woman ended abruptly some years later and channelling became a distant memory until I turned 30 years by which time aid had begun my journey ..my Tapestry . I had seen a few psychics and met two that i connected with liked their readings and teachings .
I was married then and was feeling somewhat overwhelmed with motherhood and unseen and decided to do an aromatherapy and color healing and massage course which became my career for the next 8 /9 years and started channelling after each massage via wise Chinese mandarin with wonderful information and a red Indian came through with flowing words of wisdom wiser than I was . He was even wearing a rainbow of feathers Indian headdress in my vision .My clients loved the massage and the readings more and came back over and over ! I was definitely looked at by some as weird and intense and some thought me nutty !
It was a gift that was mysterious and it was my path to my Truth and to who i have become today ! Hugely insightful very much and empathy occurred later combing numerology and Angel cards and Tarot too and doing this to this day for the chosen and a small circle of of us meeting and exchanging gifts and guidance weekly me teaching them to access their unique gifts
I found my way after my marriage dissolved two Big loves and heart break whereby Poetry automatic writing channelling saw me through and some kind angels who listened ! During this decade seeing all sort of alternative readers and spiritual teachers and the course of my life changing and deepening into a simple life with deep connection to the esoteric and the realms of astrology and universal guidance stillness and meditation
Meantime reflecting to childhood my vivid memories of weekly Fridays after school the driver fetched us in the old Bmw and took to weirdo grandparents for an always delicious kiddies lunch !
Homemade hamburgers or homemade oxtail and yummy sauce followed by awful lumpy custard or frozen jelly which I always coerced my brother to eat it for me and yes he fell for it every time .Their home was dark and spooky to me the garden large and the servants Quarters was our favorite secret place for a sneak visit as well as to the outdoor storeroom near the very large pool !
I looked forward to these Friday’s and remember them as good and happy times I had a fascination for the memorabilia that they had of my dad’s.
I found myself staring often at the calendar and at this miniature License plate which in fact had something to do with radio hamming which I understood was his hobby –
The story goes that he was bound to a wheel chair at 19 having had polio twice after being a top sportsman and he amused himself by chatting to people on a radio all over the world.
He was also known to “put people to sleep that visited him” and leave them to think they had had a fabulous afternoon and he would rather radio ham and leave them asleep which I later understood to be hypnosis that he had gift and a huge personality .
The most classic story of his hypnosis that I was told was once he was at his Toy shop and he hypnotized his pal to get his nose stuck to the window of the shoe shop opposite and he could shout sleep and this person would literally be under and do anything.
If I think back I think I was already aware of other dimensions then as their House for me was always strange ! My grans’s bathroom had ashes in it and as I child I was unsure whether it was in fact her late Pekinese dog ashes were in the vase or whether they were my fathers ashes -I vaguely understood that he had been cremated which was also not up for discussion .I do remember showing my brother this vase but I am unsure what we discussed about it .It was just a spooky place that we ran in out of ..
So childhood fragments mixed in with my intuition and my journey indeed was the beginning of the journey of me and where it all came from.
Thus an excerpt of my journey of Tapestries…